December 20th December 20, 2008
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Going home.
It has been long and hard, hectic even. But I’m letting it go now and I’m going home.
It’s high time I felt Christmas.
日記の始め December 20, 2008
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2月１８日（雨）
今日は長かった。今朝何時に起きたか、もう覚えてない。部屋を出る時、ルームメート達はいつものようにまだ寝ていた。寮の前で犬が１０匹ぐらいいて鳴いていて、ずいぶん怖かった。三匹のかわいい子犬が寝ていて、とてもすやすや寝ていたから、犬も夢を見るのかなと思った。
朝は気持ちがいい、何かいいことがきっとありそうな感じがしたけど、時間の流れとともに天気も気持ちもだんだん曇っていった。
授業の後うちに帰るのに二時間もかかって、大混雑のせいで堪らない経験だった。やっと部屋に帰った時、すっかり疲れていた。しかし、仕方がなく、明日のテストのために勉強しなければならなかった。「よし」と自分に言って、「今日は冬休みの前の最後の努力だから、がんばろう！」。そして、今までずっと勉強していた。が、もう疲れて、寝てしまうだろうから、止めることにする。
明日のテストについて困っているが、テストの後で冬休みが始まるから、うれしい。もうすぐ故郷に帰って、家族と一緒にクリスマスを迎えることを楽しみにしている。
残念なことに、うちにパソコンがなく、これからの日記は紙を使って書く。
それでは今日はこれで終わりにしよう。お休み。
National Novel Writing Month November 3, 2008
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Here I am, sitting in front of my computer after a long day and a sleepless night and a great deal of chores and homework done. Exhausted. Welcomed the new roommate, seemed ok, but I am definately not loving being nice for so long. And I am thinking…let’s retreat to the only place that is really mine, no roommates, no pretences. Be me. And I am sitting, wandering what to write, not for lack of subjects, but for lack of desire to make lists of the things I’ve done lately. And it hits me. WordPress announces November to be the Novel Writing Month. (You can do it!)….Well, of course I could, but …time and some other things deter me from doing it. Not the point. The point is, how stately it sounds for a November to be a Novel Writing Month, don’t you think? November always seems to want something to be considered festive and stately, and here it was. However, I really cannot find fault with this particular November, it is warm and autumnly and sunny and beautiful, at least today it was. So I am content. With the month so far…we’ll see for later. And I refuse to complain about the daunting homeworks and schoolwork. It is dunting indeed. But I should keep it positive and not dwell on the negativism of impossibility. I hope to go home soon. And in the meantime, Satonaka Haru!!!Queen!!!Wesahness!!!
Oh, well… October 26, 2008
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It’s beginning to become clear how hard this year is going to be. Classes are getting more and more intense, homeworks pile up, teachers give lectures on the crucialty of the forthcoming months…it is really getting to me. My mp3 gave in and no longer provides the much needed emotional uplift and oddly enough, only now I understand how much I have depended upon it to cheer my mood. Without music on those two hour bus tortures back and forth to CIEK I have too much time to dwell on the gloomy side of life. And gloomier it is getting.
I started the year firmly decided to make the best out of it, to not let the bad stuff get to me and to make myself better and more capable at what I do. I still want all that but it seems so much harder now, seeing how the others are managing their lives, mine seems so much the lesser. I try very hard to keep the spirits high, to tell myself that I am in no way worse and that those things I fail in I can compensate and work harder at. But so far a lot of pep talk and not enough action.
Tanya was here today to get her things in the last days of having this room and ever being our roommate. It hit me that she’s so great and I will miss her. But the free drawers and the empty bed just bring up a new line for me to think upon, my own studies to organize and room to prepare and make useful. It will be interesting to have a new bed and desk, but I will miss my old one. I wish I could have them both and the space in between,but let’s not get greedy.
I have so much to toil at. I look up to Rory for much needed inspiration. Everyone else depresses me with their organization. Studies, job, life…all needs a lot of work. I just hope I can manage it and fear I wouldn’t. But what I have to do is be cheerful and work hard, and everything else willl fall into place. I hope…
A No October 18, 2008
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The sky is darkened,
gloom outside,
Othelo raves his madness in here,
due tasks before me lie,
beloved ones too far I fear,
A No awaits its answer…
a ground to stand and words to say
I fear I must today.
OK October 15, 2008
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The last glances of the setting sun, some nice music as a background, serving as the soundtrack of my life, the calmness of a quiet room after a long day…I figure it was high time I paid some attention to myself and my thoughts, it’s been so long since I last did it.
I was home this weekend. And, you guessed it, there is no place like home. It was the best, most beautiful, most lovely weekend, filled with long hours of train rides through the most amazing autumn scenery this country has to offer, walks in one of the most lively cities it has, and meeting up with my sister to go home, there spending the happiest time with my family, hiking in the most wonderful of parks, eating the best dishes and watching the best movies, all the while gazing out of the bestest of window views ever…exaggerating? Maybe…not! I am truly at peace when i’m there. And I did need a battery recharge, so going back was a brilliant idea.
This new week is also ok, it’s all god music, good vibes, friends and beautiful autumn…sure there are some downside stuff, but by the time I get here I don’t have the desire to comment on them any more. Besides, I don’t feel like complaining, not right now,it feels like complaining would be totally ungrateful, given what I have.
Here is a liitle something of my obsession…hope it brings you the optimism and joy I seem to ovrflow with right now!
Life is for those moments – when the bad stuff are so insignificant you can laugh at and wonder how you ever worried, and the good stuff fill up the heart. My heart is full. Music must have a lot to do with it.
The End of the First Week October 5, 2008
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Sitting here in my room at the end of my first week back at the university. Waiting for my soup to boil, contemplating watching a movie after lunch…I like my first week back, it was filled with friendly reunions, some mild anxiety over this and that, which was expected and therefore not overly traumatizing…this week brought me back to my college life, here where life is vibrant with young people, all different and interesting, the atmosphere alone is electrified with energy. I begin my third year optimistically, up-beat, ready. Eli-san has little pink pills to keep her emotions high, I have my computer and my loved ones to do that, and of course, the chance to do a little bit of internet-procrastination every now and then.
I’m trying not to let little worries and hidden tensions get to me, they are just in my head, I keep telling myself. Besides, life is too precious to waste on such silly stuff. I miss my family and home, but all is so busy and full of exciting things that I rarely get the time to brood over it.
Autumn is fully here, weather, folliage and all. I think I like it, despite the early morning wake-ups, the cold and what-to-wear-for-this-cold-and-then-warm-again-weather problem. I like it because there is always some split second of walk when the sun shines, the trees look gorgeous and the sky gently shines its light down on me. That split second is all worth living for.
So, in conclusion, keep the good spirits up, be cheerful, be happy, don’t let anything bad get to you and do your best with the things you’re given. I wish you a happy autumn!♣
On Back to School September 29, 2008
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“Just one more week and we go back to Redmond,” said Anne. She was happy at the thought of returning to work, classes and Redmond friends. Pleasing visions were also being woven around Patty’s Place. There was a warm pleasant sense of home in the thought of it, even though she had never lived there.
But the summer had been a very happy one, too — a time of glad living with summer suns and skies, a time of keen delight in wholesome things; a time of renewing and deepening of old friendships; a time in which she had learned to live more nobly, to work more patiently, to play more heartily.
“All life lessons are not learned at college,” she thought. “Life teaches them everywhere.”
三日坊主。 September 25, 2008
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Mikka bozu
“A monk for three days.” One who gives up at the first sign of difficulty.
外襤褸の内錦。
Soto boro no uchi nishiki
“Rags on the outside, brocade within.” You can’t judge someone only on their clothes or outside appearance.
賢は愚にかえる。
Ken wa gu ni kaeru
“Wisdom may masquerade as foolishness.”
薮をつついて蛇を出す。
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu
“Poke around in a bush and a snake will come out.” Let sleeping dogs lie. Leave well enough alone.
雨降って地固まる。
Ame futte ji katamaru
“After the rain, the earth hardens.” Adversity builds character
What a Day! September 16, 2008
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Yesterday I had to go to Sofia to deal with all the tedious bureaucracy of getting one’s room. And I had one of those days when all you want to do is damn everything and curse all the time. Well, it was not all that bad. I did get things done and managed to go home, but what a ride I had – the worse in my history of train rides and it is pretty colourful. Of course, the people were interesting, we had a nice chat, they were ok, thank heavens. But all the nerves I wasted, the sleep deprivation, the shit I had to take from officials – I barely made it. The waiting in lines, the moody first year students who had no clue what they were getting themselves into…the spiteful bus driver…and the half bare room…I have high hopes to get this room well, we’ll see about that. It was a rainy, gloomy day yeaterday. As opposed to today when the sun is shining brightly. An aftertaste remains – a reminder of all the stuff I have to do from now on. The responsibilities. The communication. It can be viewed as a good thing or bad, depending on mood. Today…it’s…ambiguous. I hope/apprehend. I am still set on making the best out of it. But it will require a lot of effort. So…til’ later. ≈
