Between Hope and Desperation

Boy, has it been a long time since my last entry. A whole summer. And it being the summer before my big going away, things have ben really strange. You know, that bittersweet, lonely, anxious, on the brink of a new, unknown experience kind of strange. And I am enjoying a lot of love and support from my family and friends, but ultimately it is something I have to feel through myself. If I have to summarize the summer, I’d say it left me something to be wanted. It probbly is just the fact that I’m worried about what’s coming ahead, busy calming myself down about the opening night jitters. I hate spending thoughts and emotions on stuff before they happen, then, afterwards, regretting not having spent my time with my family better. I can’t help it, it’s a big leap, I am a worrier, and it’s heavy and I hate it.

On the bright side, my leg is ok now, somehow with the months passing it turned from the center of an agony to a thought at the back of my head, where I like all my knee problems kept. Exluding the major blunder with the esteemed doctor, all news is good in that department. And the whole trip to Pleven made me realize two important things – 1st, how wonderful it is to have a real close friend and 2nd, I need some more breeding. Oh, and one more – it’s high time I got myself together and started preparing for my own personal dreamed of challenge.

My mind cannot fully wrap itself around the idea of what’s ahead, which leaves me to my praying abilities.

Well, I hope it all works out for the best. And out of September I expect a great deal of work done. I want to be worthy of my friends who work hard and make something of their lives.