Oh, well… October 26, 2008
Posted by plameowyn in Desperation.1 comment so far
It’s beginning to become clear how hard this year is going to be. Classes are getting more and more intense, homeworks pile up, teachers give lectures on the crucialty of the forthcoming months…it is really getting to me. My mp3 gave in and no longer provides the much needed emotional uplift and oddly enough, only now I understand how much I have depended upon it to cheer my mood. Without music on those two hour bus tortures back and forth to CIEK I have too much time to dwell on the gloomy side of life. And gloomier it is getting.
I started the year firmly decided to make the best out of it, to not let the bad stuff get to me and to make myself better and more capable at what I do. I still want all that but it seems so much harder now, seeing how the others are managing their lives, mine seems so much the lesser. I try very hard to keep the spirits high, to tell myself that I am in no way worse and that those things I fail in I can compensate and work harder at. But so far a lot of pep talk and not enough action.
Tanya was here today to get her things in the last days of having this room and ever being our roommate. It hit me that she’s so great and I will miss her. But the free drawers and the empty bed just bring up a new line for me to think upon, my own studies to organize and room to prepare and make useful. It will be interesting to have a new bed and desk, but I will miss my old one. I wish I could have them both and the space in between,but let’s not get greedy.
I have so much to toil at. I look up to Rory for much needed inspiration. Everyone else depresses me with their organization. Studies, job, life…all needs a lot of work. I just hope I can manage it and fear I wouldn’t. But what I have to do is be cheerful and work hard, and everything else willl fall into place. I hope…
A No October 18, 2008
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The sky is darkened,
gloom outside,
Othelo raves his madness in here,
due tasks before me lie,
beloved ones too far I fear,
A No awaits its answer…
a ground to stand and words to say
I fear I must today.
OK October 15, 2008
Posted by plameowyn in Hope.add a comment
The last glances of the setting sun, some nice music as a background, serving as the soundtrack of my life, the calmness of a quiet room after a long day…I figure it was high time I paid some attention to myself and my thoughts, it’s been so long since I last did it.
I was home this weekend. And, you guessed it, there is no place like home. It was the best, most beautiful, most lovely weekend, filled with long hours of train rides through the most amazing autumn scenery this country has to offer, walks in one of the most lively cities it has, and meeting up with my sister to go home, there spending the happiest time with my family, hiking in the most wonderful of parks, eating the best dishes and watching the best movies, all the while gazing out of the bestest of window views ever…exaggerating? Maybe…not! I am truly at peace when i’m there. And I did need a battery recharge, so going back was a brilliant idea.
This new week is also ok, it’s all god music, good vibes, friends and beautiful autumn…sure there are some downside stuff, but by the time I get here I don’t have the desire to comment on them any more. Besides, I don’t feel like complaining, not right now,it feels like complaining would be totally ungrateful, given what I have.
Here is a liitle something of my obsession…hope it brings you the optimism and joy I seem to ovrflow with right now!
Life is for those moments – when the bad stuff are so insignificant you can laugh at and wonder how you ever worried, and the good stuff fill up the heart. My heart is full. Music must have a lot to do with it.
The End of the First Week October 5, 2008
Posted by plameowyn in Hope.add a comment
Sitting here in my room at the end of my first week back at the university. Waiting for my soup to boil, contemplating watching a movie after lunch…I like my first week back, it was filled with friendly reunions, some mild anxiety over this and that, which was expected and therefore not overly traumatizing…this week brought me back to my college life, here where life is vibrant with young people, all different and interesting, the atmosphere alone is electrified with energy. I begin my third year optimistically, up-beat, ready. Eli-san has little pink pills to keep her emotions high, I have my computer and my loved ones to do that, and of course, the chance to do a little bit of internet-procrastination every now and then.
I’m trying not to let little worries and hidden tensions get to me, they are just in my head, I keep telling myself. Besides, life is too precious to waste on such silly stuff. I miss my family and home, but all is so busy and full of exciting things that I rarely get the time to brood over it.
Autumn is fully here, weather, folliage and all. I think I like it, despite the early morning wake-ups, the cold and what-to-wear-for-this-cold-and-then-warm-again-weather problem. I like it because there is always some split second of walk when the sun shines, the trees look gorgeous and the sky gently shines its light down on me. That split second is all worth living for.
So, in conclusion, keep the good spirits up, be cheerful, be happy, don’t let anything bad get to you and do your best with the things you’re given. I wish you a happy autumn!♣
