Between Hope and Desperation

Ah, this month! There is something in the air in September…some expectation, a bit of anxiety, the mixed feeling of a loss of summer and a fresh new beginning of the year. The air is kind of sharp, in a stand by mode, ready for action. In the first few days of September I feel like life  is a wheel, and the wheel is slowly beginning to turn, to motion to a faster development. It will come soon enough, and that fact makes the feeling so much stronger, like every moment is precious, both long and short, just on the verge of something new, of a change.

Lately I am as always, it’s just my trip to aunt’s that makes it a bit more tense and bitter. She has that effect. It’s funny how blood relatives can be distant and hostile and welcoming and caring at the same time. Drives me crazy. Wish I could skip Christmas vacation trip.

The quietude and calm uneventfulness is to vanish soon. Maybe even tonight, when I’m going to a rock concert, amateur style. I have high hopes for the new school year. We shall see. In the meantime, I’m trying to remember his eyes and his smile. He is far away right now, and I am trying to miss him. Strange. I do miss him, but I also feel the time and space that divide us to make the statement “Out of sight, out of mind’ sort of true. Well, it can never really come true. I care too much.

September, September…the wheel is turning, soon to be spinning. I breathe the air of expectation. I miss him. I think I like this month, a little.