Between Hope and Desperation

No need to mention the date, it is automatically registered, but somehow, I feel that today is almost half of the vacation gone and that leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s true, I am enjoying myself with all my friends and dreams come true, but I also come to realise all fun and no responsibility-face -up is not so good. And of course, it’s me, I feel guilty for not doing what must be done. It’s like what Hugh, the good old presbyterian , used to say: ” I send pleasures back”. I just don’t allow myself to fully enjoy life. Some strange inferiority complex, I guess. Or, I really should take more responsibility. At this age and with such a mom, I am really a bad daughter, I think. I am afraid of disappointing her, she deserves better for all her suffering. I guess I have no work ethics, and that will be the end of me. Yet for now, I can’t allow myself to think such depressive thoughts. I must be happy for as long as I possibly can, and after that, we’ll work something out, right? I sure hope so.♣