An Edit August 12, 2008
Posted by plameowyn in Desperation.1 comment so far
I know, today I’m in a roll. I just got through most of the day and lots of things happened. Minor things, but stuff that got me thinking, anyway. First, I spent the morning indulging in my creative work, almost convincing myself that it’s ok to do what I love most instead of studying.
Then I had an unexpected visit from Mariya, who is back for the summer and this is the first time I’ve seen her in seven months. We just arranged to meet tomorrow. It was nice seeing her, always lovely to see a friend’s smile. Though I can’t help feeling the time and distance between us. Perhaps we have changed too much since our high-school years. So I am anxious as to what tomorrow will bring – a nice meeting with an old friend or a competitive interview with someone too far away.
Also, I got reading the forums for SU and the second major options and what I got was unnerving results. People seem to think it’s hopeless and too hard. They convey the feeling of desperation. Besides, I realised how much work it would take and that scared me. A lot. And I still have got no work experience or ethics, this will be the end of me, as I said.
Later, I heard from Ves, whom I also have long had no talk with. It was a brief talk, but with a promise of more, it made me happy to know I still got a friend out there.
Meanwhile, I , against all reason, decided to cook the dinner tonight. You know, Japanese style. I will do it well, I hope, but it just gives me so much to do and limits my time,for I have some preparations to do for tomorrow.
Not to forget, right now my sister is shouting at the tv, cheering for our Voleyball team , playing agains Japan on the Olympics. I hope they win, for her sake.
Oh, and , I promise to cook you my specialty someday.♣
The 12th of August August 12, 2008
Posted by plameowyn in Uncategorized.add a comment
No need to mention the date, it is automatically registered, but somehow, I feel that today is almost half of the vacation gone and that leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s true, I am enjoying myself with all my friends and dreams come true, but I also come to realise all fun and no responsibility-face -up is not so good. And of course, it’s me, I feel guilty for not doing what must be done. It’s like what Hugh, the good old presbyterian , used to say: ” I send pleasures back”. I just don’t allow myself to fully enjoy life. Some strange inferiority complex, I guess. Or, I really should take more responsibility. At this age and with such a mom, I am really a bad daughter, I think. I am afraid of disappointing her, she deserves better for all her suffering. I guess I have no work ethics, and that will be the end of me. Yet for now, I can’t allow myself to think such depressive thoughts. I must be happy for as long as I possibly can, and after that, we’ll work something out, right? I sure hope so.♣
