Between Hope and Desperation

I want to believe it is possible that such a thing exists, that every person has a great meaning and a specific purpose in life and that  destiny is written out for us in the best possible way and that happiness is ours for the taking if only we would.

i just read Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist and my heart was lifted. So I tought I should keep that feeling for myself to remember when I come here, though I already know I won’t forget it in my heart. I used to think his novels were silly and only fit for brainless models. I still have that negative idea at the back of my mind, but still, I cannot help being touched by the simple words I hope are true, they are so comforting and hopeful.

I wonder what my Personal Legens is, I think I knew it when I was younger. It’s just like he says, with the time I forget about it, and fall for the depression of the rut. These two years past have really taken me away from it, I think. I can only pray that I still will have the chance to follow it if I get the courage. I need to have the courage.

I wanted to quote some of his words, but I can’t. It’s not my place to do it, whoever knows his words will remember them with their heart. The quietude of the golden afternoon I spent reading it gives me a sense of complaissance – I believe it’s true and that worries for an indefinate future are worthless. It is my time to enjoy the present as much as possible and to trust in what is written out for me. Also, in the future I shall try to be worthy of my personal legend.

Also, I wonder, who is the one for me. That one true love that makes all life worthwhile. Everyone has one, many never find theirs. I suppose I won’t either, but I still wonder who he is.

And is it possible that my heart knows everything? I guess I must learn to listen to it closely, because it could be the way to my happiness. I hope I find that way and learn those skills.

Someday I wish I can understand the voice of that all-knowing-soul of the Universe, to be part of it, no regrets. For now I will just wait to see how it goes, to be quiet so that I can hear.Ψ