Between Hope and Desperation

• We failed at the Olympics and our volleyball team has no longer a chance at winning a medal. Too sad. Plamen Konstantinov and all of the guys deserved to gain their victory, they are still good enough, despite the loss.
• Aunt is here to bug me and life seems out of focus in her presence, ypu know, as all those times when relatives break the fragile balance in your life by telling you of their own successes and failures. She has always been too demanding, too strict.
• Time is running out…cultural studies? Japan?Help?

“Der Vogel kämpft sich aus dem Ei. Das Ei ist die Welt. Wer geboren werden will, muss eine Welt zerstören.”

(The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever wants to be born, must first destroy a world.)

Hermann Hesse, Demian

3. В природата нищо не е правилно.Следователно,ако всичко върви добре….значи нещо не е в ред.

It means to get cracked. As my plans were. As my self-esteem and my bright hopes for the future.

Also, it 飛び散る, which means to scatter in all directions. As all my ideas at the beginning now are. Blown away ruthlessly in all irretrievable directions.

破片 is what I am now. A small left broken piece of a far larger entity that was full of light. No more.

A 粒 of hope is all I have, a grain, just to sustain me. Will it be able to?♣

След победата Това е най-новата новина от Олимпиадата, и всички сме много развълнувани.

Волейболистите ни отиват на четвъртфинал след победа над Венецуела Българският национален отбор по волейбол се класира за четвъртфиналите на Олимпиадата в Пекин. България надигра Венецуела с 3:1 в последния си мач в група “A” на олимпийския турнир и си осигури място в следващата фаза.

Дано нашите момчета ни радват все така и занапред. Чудесно е и че Пламен се завърна след скандала, имахме нужда от него. Успех!

Bright beginning of the Twenties,Deni

On saturday my little sister had a birthday and left teenagehood for good. Well, not in her soul, anyways.

We got her all those pretty presents, including jewelry, an mp3-player, a purse and cosmetics.

Above all, I want to wish her a happy life and much joy and health in it!

Damned be the University of Sofia. Just when I was so strongly determined to study another major and follow my dreams about professional realization, they destroy my wishes. With a cold list of the allowed second major options this year. My choice is not covered. Damn.

It is horribly disappointing to realise how the university  one studies in is so worthless. Here you gain no knowledge and no real self-esteem, unless of course,you pursue those things against all university officials and bureaucracies.

They offer no chance to those who crave knowledge. Money and connections. And I never believed I would fall so down as to admit that is true. Because that is what counts here.

Well, it’s not so bad. Those who are strong willed, erudite and assertive will come out alive and triumphant. They will find great jobs and successul carreers. What about the rest of us then? We better pull ourselves together and scrape up through it all. And keep the hope up that there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. We have to find what we are good at and pursue it, regardless of the administration of the university.

However, my disappointment still stands. To know that there are civilized places in the world where knowledge is respected and people are allowed to grasp it. There are universities where people are taken care of, coaxed and helped. Not here. Here they won’t even let you pay them more money and get a second major you want. But they will take your money for some other useless procedure or bribe, if you are the bribing type. Not me. I can scrape up on my own, but damn they be and fast for me to get out of there.

I just wanted to be a student. Now I am disappointed.ω

二人は互いに愛し合い、信じ合い、助け合ってきた。

• かわいがる – to have an affection for, to cherish
• 意外な – unexpected
• 黙って・黙る – to say nothing
• どぎまぎして・どぎまぎする – to lose one’s presence of mind