Going home July 26, 2007
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Today I’m giving up my room, getting my bags and going home. My stomach is uptight, I am nervous. I know I will be back, but not for so long and I feel this is the end of an era.I was in this room for such a long time. (more…)
Like crazy July 23, 2007
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You must have noticed how I am writing all that like crazy today as if I am in a race with myself to fill up this site. (more…)
The thing about… Bulgarian Pop Music July 23, 2007
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…apart from the fact that it is non-existent and repulsive?Well, let’s try to put in a good word.OK…..
The thing about …Soap Operas July 23, 2007
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I am on a roll lately, we’ve established that. So why not say a word or two(or more) about soap operas?
How can you… July 23, 2007
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write brilliant works when it’s 42C degrees outside, you’r sweating like a pig, you have spent all day writing little worthlessnesses(it has to be a word)and your head is aching, your eyes are tired and your fingers are stiff, conscience has been nagging at you during that entire time to do something useful, but you oppose it with Captain Algrin’s words to Katsumoto : “What could be bore necessary?” – of course he meant honour and I mean escapism in the mask of self improvement of my writing skills. Don’t even remind me of that movie. Excellent movie, but also the reason I got into Japanese studies and probably changed the course of my life(for the better?!?) – don’t do that over a movie, you will regret it. Like those guys who signed up for the navy after they saw” Top gun”!Is it my imagination or Tom Cruise is getting us all into trouble?The point is, now I can’t look at that movie withot being disgusted with myself, so I guess I don’t really like it anymore.
Should I keep this one article short?The funny twist with the meteo and the joke about the movie worked out all right ,right?Pathetic,pathetic. Can you tell that I like that word a lot?Every now and then I start preffering a word or a phrase and I use them till I get blue of saying them.Usually someone notices how I keep using them and stops me which irritates me but is for the best.Moral: don’t prefer a word or phrase over the rest, don’t discriminate.Languages should be used fully, richly, the words should be tasted and savoured(?) – I kind of do it right now and it feels delicious to me, maybe not to you,but who cares?Ok,I do.
Probably time to stop, it’s gettin lengthy and boringish again. Don’t lose faith in me…
When the going gets tough… July 23, 2007
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…The tough get going.Why did I remembered this particular line?It somehow reflects my situation – it got tough and although I myself am far from tough, I too got to go. Mr. Cornell says that he’s seen angels fall from blinding heights and I agree I am nothing so divine. But I don’ t seem to be able to arm myself. So I guess they’ll be replacing me soon. (more…)
Jobs July 22, 2007
Posted by plameowyn in Desperation.add a comment
Wow, I must be on a roll today -third entry! This time it’s for the bad indeed. Jobs. Now my mama is saying I should quit my search and go home and study as I should.I put the thought in her head and I am now happy that it’s there. But also strangely ashamed because I am running from responsibility and yet making myself seem innocent about it. (more…)
Bad July 22, 2007
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Ok, I just took a peak at some people’s blogs and guess what- I once more got convinced in my selfishness and shalowness of thought. How can i be so self-absorbed when I am not even interesting and when people are writing about such important things. It’s not like I can’t do it as well. So why don’t I? Make a note,self and get more engaged in the truly important matters. (more…)
Of late July 22, 2007
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Well, this is me.Question: Why do I never like myself on pictures or in mirrors?Is it the fattish body, the childish face or the unwillful chin-that among other things.
However I believe it is important to state my appearance in order to bring a personality to my words and to tell my own self to accept who I am.Or pure vanity. I like the colouring of the picture and the fact that it was taken by accident makes it more bearable.
Why do I keep wasting words on that topic.Guess it’s important to me. Sometimes I think my looks is to blame for my self-consciousness, my shyness, my attitude towards others and myself. If I was 5.8 feet tall , slim, and with a better looking fisiognomy I am certain I would have coped better in life.So basically I need either a plastic surgery, a therapy or a boyfriend who adores me for who I am.Sad that my own self seems insufficient. But why.Am I that weak – not able to fend for myself and ascertain my own will and views- inferiority complex all over. I MUST get over it without the surgery,the therapist and especially before the boyfriend(I do not want him to be my superior but my equal-not my saviour but my soulmate)
Think about some nasty person reading this,tracking me down and using all that info against me.Paranoid.Wishful?;)Yeap, I need some thrill in my life, why not imagine it.However,if you read this and laugh-good,why not have another person laugh at my expense,like I don’t have enough of that in real life.If,on the other hand, you get some of those nasty ideas-don’t, it’s not even worth it. Anyway, I probably won’t fall for you whatever you do or say- I am too closed up.Is there such a word. Am I boring you to the same extend of boredom as I do myself?
Forget it. I am blabbering. It’ kind of nice. If you do read through all of it – please, leave a monosyllabic response, like”DROP DEAD” or ” STOP WRITING BULLSHIT” or “NO”- anything just to let me know you read it.
I am not writing for you, but it’s pleasant to imagine someone reading.Big Ego Of Mine.
There are important things I have to say.But by the time I get to them, I have lost my muse and zeal for typing all those words in here.
So right now I leave it to that. We’ll see for later on.
Maybe I won’t have any more chances soon.Because Tanya might come back and this is her computer.Plus, tomorrow I have a trial first day at work which if it works might keep me busy for a while. Besides I have not even opened a textbook yet,so my free time will be learn time. See, in a few sentences I described all serious topics of my life, including the utter desperation I am falling in. So short as opposed to the novel I just wrote on looks.
That’s me- running from seriousness and keeping myself distracted with all sorts of addictively useless habits. Except if we consider the habit of writing being turned into a profession.I WISH…
Well, I believe I covered the most important things of late. My inspiration to write today was1) BOREDOM and 2)the interview with a blogger in REALNO on BTV.Thanks
Sad-that I can’t inspire myself?Hey, I usually can but boredom at those times plays for the opposing team, so I don’t put my inspiration to words. Better CHANGE that!!!
Lots of love and luck in the future, let the summer unfold for the best!
On the brink of a new experience July 12, 2007
Posted by plameowyn in In Between.1 comment so far
Ok, let’s summasrise: finished first year of college successfully, although I only know how lucky did I get to be able to do it. My sister minimised her goals which is sad in itself, but she takes it worse than it is- it’s ok to prioritise and to know what you want in life, though you may not always get it. I have a strong hope that she will not regret her steps ever and that ten years from now she will be pleased with her choices. (more…)
