Between Hope and Desperation

Yet I am calm now, as I tend to be in the evenings when a day of lazyness and uselessness is over and out of my burden.A mistaken notion of course- such a day only adds to my great weight of meaninglessness.Bincho and Hristina were to meet me today.I was proud of making the first step,alone,but prepared to face it and make the best of it.They didn’t show.What a disappointment-to finally be ready to exert yourself you are robbed of that chance.And which is worse-left with the ruins of a day full of empty expectation.

I couldn’t study today.Which is mostly my fault, as always.My greatest problem in the world.If I don’t study, how do I expect to survive here?

I saw them yesterday at the party.Him and her.Lovely. A beautiful couple,living in that perfect world.I couldn’t even want to wish to rob them of it.I can only want something similar.Yet if I don’t study and communicate more,I am never to have it.

I am not in the mood and opportunity of writing right now,so I am to leave now.

How incomprehensible it must seem to the unfamiliar this whole blur of words.

I will try better in future.